I just discovered a wonderful and fun way to pass a couple hours by way of a LinkedIn email I received from an obvious 419 Nigerian scammer. I couldn’t stop laughing at what I wrote to them. But whatever you do, don’t believe a word of what I wrote to them. Somehow, they have managed to sneak into LinkedIn, with authentic looking credentials, friends, and business professionals, to make them look real. Of course, LinkedIn will be informed as well as the proper authorities. And I don’t mean to offend any religious person who may read this. But when anyone lies and plays the religious card to steal, opens themselves to any and all means to expose them.
I’m sure that most of us have been a target of the well known scams offering millions of dollars to unwary recipients. The first time this happened to me, I was totally unaware of the game of these criminals and was sucked in by what appeared to be total honesty by “Abou,” who turned out to be the classic scammer working from the west coast of Africa. I was only sucked into paying for two long distance phone calls that probably rang up to money in his pocket. And when I was informed and was sent documents of proof of the shipment that the multi-millions in “cash” would be shipped in boxes, and for me to pay to have them forwarded to me. Or the alternative was to fly to Spain and collect the boxes with the cash, my further research made me catch on to their game. There would also be more fees for me to collect the “empty” boxes. And then I got calls and email wanting to know why I didn’t show up in Spain. They are experts at their game of crime and there are a million stories outlining their tactics of swindling millions from unwary folks.
So, a couple weeks ago I got this email through LinkedIn from “business” contact professional Anna Maria, with a look of total realness, and with 106 business contacts. Her profile was that did “legal” work and I assumed she was another lawyer. And so, I accepted her as a contact to add to my 193 contacts. And then, talk about ingenuity and imagination, she sent me this, verbatim, punctuation and all:
“Greetings. I know that this letter may come to you as a surprise, I am Mrs. Anna Maria Agara from Italy. I am Philanthropists.and have been engaged in the building and establishment of humanitarian foundation Because of my present ill health I am currently in the hospital where I underwent treatment for lung cancer, and I am contacting you to donate the sum of $12.5 million USD with trust. this fund is meant for building of Orphanage Centers, less privileged widows and HIV/AIDS Victims in the society, ETC, in fulfillment of my late husband wishes.and you can invest this money in any where of your choice We have been married for many years without any child and the doctor confirmed to me that I will not live more than four months from now,that’s why i am taking this bold step donating this fund to you. Contact me on this my private email address: (—————), so that I can send you more information. Remain blessed, Mrs. Anna Maria Agara.”
She states that she is from Italy and that is the assumption. But whoa! Does this smell of 419 or what? She/he doesn’t know me from Adam and assumes (From my LinkedIn profile) in her writing that I am a good Christian? I then proceeded to ponder over what and how is she/he going to try to swindle money out of me now that she/he has the LinkedIn contact and my email address. Or, if I don’t play my cards right, will she/he get into my computer and get personal information or plant a virus if I piss her/him off? Her next email, while assuming I am a “good” Christian and she is trusting me, a stranger, went like this (note the same punctuation and typos):
“Beloved one in the Lord.I am Mrs Anna Maria Agara, Am sorry to come into your privacy. I wantto hand over this noble project to you with trust.i have beendiagnosed with Esophageal cancer .It has defied all forms of medicaltreatment, right now, I have only about a few months to live and Iwant you to distribute my funds($12.5 MILLION US DOLLARS) to charitieshome as my promise to God.i have set aside 40% for you and your family. please i want you to stand as new beneficiary of my husband fund,and i will make sure that the bank transfer the money into your account,all the document is with my attorney Recently my Doctor told me that I would not last for the next four months due to cancer problem, though what disturbs me most is my stroke. Having known my Condition, I decided to donate this fund to church or Better still a Christian individual that will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct herein.”
Right! Usual story. And why would she choose me, a stranger over her “church” to administer millions? Am I that stupid? No! I’m supposed to give her my bank account numbers and guess what? And so, I searched the Internet search engines with these questions, “how to play with scammers” and “playing 419 scammers at their own game.” I found these three websites, http://scamsandshams.wordpress.com/, http://www.419eater.com/html/baiting.htm, and http://www.419eater.com.
Those groups of people thrive on wearing the criminals down, wasting their time and spreading the word to the unknowing many about how to handle them. I was cracking up reading some of the baiting tactics. But wait until you read mine. If you are up for it, they all present good advice to wear the bastards down but warn not no to piss them off, threaten them or call them names, for fear of retaliation of sending you a virus, etc. Some were real gems, and so I started writing and composing some gems of my own. I took Mrs. Anna Maria’s cue of hers being a strong religious game when seeing her assumption that I am Christian, she wrote:
“I want you to use this money support churches, Orphanages, Research centers and widows propagating the Word of God and to ensure that the house of God is Maintained. The Bible made us to understand that blessed is the hand that Giveth. I took this decision because I don,t have any child that Will inherit this Money and my husband relatives are not Christians and I Don,t want my Husbands money to be misused use by Unbelievers. I don,t want a Situation where this money will be used in an ungodly Manner,that is the Reason for taking this bold decision…”
She went on to ask for 1. Name; 2. Address; 3. Country 4. Phone; 5. Age; 6. occupation 7. Email
Yours in Christ,
Mrs Anna Maria Agara.
And so, how does she/he know if I am Christian or not? Well, I took the advice of the aforementioned baiting site and said that her lawyer and my lawyer should talk. And then came her Barrister Paul Jean with his crap. I sent him my lawyer’s 13 questions to answer which he ignored totally. After my second request to answer came his/her response with the phony documents. Remember that their emails are reproduced here exactly as they were sent, punctuation and grammar. Lawyers, with many years of study, generally learn to speak and write properly :
(From: jopu jopu) Barrister Paul Jean
Sent: Monday, February 10, 2014 10:39 AM
Subject: Fwd: Attn Mr Don Meehan.
“Mr Don Meehan,
Feel free in this transaction, because every thing about this transaction is legal and reality, but this transaction must TOP SECRET, security reason.
One more thing, Mrs Anna Agara said you and i should not allow any body to be aware of the fund, because there husband family member need the fund, so keep this to your self alone, until the fund is to get.
Open attachment find death certificate including with deposit certificate of Mrs Anna Agara late husband documents.”
Note that is reads “English Version.” What other versions are there? I learned that English is the official language in Nigeria, so, why can’t they get it right when writing? Note that Anna Maria above in bold said she was from Italy. And the death is in Lome, Togo, (almost ten years ago) west coast of Africa, where Nigerian scams rule.
Note that it says: “Original Copy?” Deposited 14 years ago. American funds? Not Togo or Euro? NOTE COMMISSION ON TURNOVER – .5% .5% OF 12.5 MILLION AMERICAN DOLLARS = $60,000. I’ll bet the ranch that this is obviously to be paid by the turnover to the sucker. 14 years, not touched, no activity no interest paid etc.? Also, nothing here about Italy, and when I did a Google search for http://www.siabd.com they returned:
(Barrister Paul Jean continued) “Bellow is message, which you will re-send to the bank headquarters through there E-MAIL ADDRESS <firstname.lastname@example.org> immediately, because the bank headquarters is waiting for your response now. Bellow is message, which you will re-send to the bank headquarters through there E-MAIL ADDRESS <email@example.com> immediately, because the bank headquarters is waiting for your response now.”
When I saw what was on the documents I wrote Mrs. Anna Maria, outdoing myself playing the “religious card and name dropping” I wrote this:
“In a dream last night I believe that I received alms from the Almighty in Heaven with a blessing and a message. I have received, on occasion, important revelations like this that prove to be true. And in this blessed moment it is a revelation that your life will be spared and that you will live a long life. I have great faith in Jesus that He will not increase your despair AND THAT YOU WILL LIVE TO BE 100.”
I went on to write: “Lastly, and most importantly, your Barrister attorney Mr. Paul Jean is without Christian Trust, inasmuch as he has sinned exceedingly against the most Holy Commandments by lying to me and has not answered important questions my attorney set forth regarding your late husband’s Trust. He is not of the Lord’s friends, but apparently a friend of Satan. And certain things have occurred to make me believe he is not on your side and is on the side of the relatives of your dead husband who are trying to take the fund from you for their own selfish purposes… I need someone who I can trust and I cannot at this point trust Mr. Barrister Paul Jean. If we are to continue with this transfer, I would prefer not to do business with Mr. Jean, since he has not been up front with me and he does not have my 100% trust…”
Note that I purposely misspelled the word Barrister once as Barraster. (As in Bare ass ter)
The next day I was almost falling on the floor laughing out loud when I pulled out all the stops and wrote this:
“Dear Mrs. Anna Mara Agara,
I am extending my forgiveness of Barrister Paul Jean and I will explain herein. I had a very heavy heart last evening after sending you the email yesterday. And so, I decided it was imperative to attend Confession to my dear priest friend, Monsignor Yehudi Houdini. He was the illegitimate son of one of the greatest violinists of the 20th century, Yehudi Menuhin. Msgr. Houdini and I attended seminary together and were ordained to the priesthood together on May 31, 1970. He stayed on, but I left the priesthood after three years because I decided that the Lord needed me to perform my many talents doing His work assisting others out in the world. Monsignor Houdini (He likes to be called Yahoody) is probably one of the greatest cellists in the USA now, and he wears his hair, mustashe, and beard exactly like Jesus. We both play in the local symphony orchestra, and it is just an awesome Heavenly sight. And people come from miles away just to see what appears to be Jesus sitting there with utmost emotion, sometimes in tears, playing and praying every single note on his historic Andrea Amati cello from 1600. However it is disturbing to me and others that because of his age he must color his hair and beard to continue to look like Jesus and he is criticized for this.
“But to sit across from Monsignor Yehudi Houdini at Confession in a small darkly lit reconciliation room, you would think you were talking directly to Jesus and the chills usually run up and down my spine. The same prayerfulness and stature in the playing of the notes on the cello can be seen in Yehudi’s posture when his eyes meet mine in the reconciliation room. This is the ultimate God experience and gives the penitent an extra assurance that his sins are truly forgiven, and that he is in God’s hands. After saying the Penance given by Msgr. Yehudi of three Hail Marys, and the Monsignor’s instruction to trust the words of Barrister Paul Jean and ask his forgiveness, I felt a great burden lifted. Do you think the Barraster will accept my apology? By the way, the rumors are that the Monsignor will be appointed to Bishop in the near future and that he may one day be elected Pope.
“When I told Yehoodi of my dream and my apparent revelation, he reminded me that in all of history of revelations of Jesus and Mary at Fatima, Bayside, Medjugorje and lately at Oshkosh, Looneyville and Ding Dong, Texas, Fart, Virginia and Timbuktu on the African Coast, discernment of all these heavenly visions and apparitions must be discerned properly, since Satan comes in posing as Jesus and Mary. Msgr. Houdini warned me that the news to me in my dream about you, Anna Maria, being healed and living a long life could very well be Satan lying with his dirty tricks, and NOT Jesus. Therefore, he cautioned me not to believe this so quickly, and that you may, indeed, pass into His Heavenly Arms soon, as the doctor has predicted, in months or even days as Barrister Paul Jean has indicated to me. And further, he has directed me to extend to Barrister Paul Jean a token of forgiveness and that I should also return to converse with my trust in him, and not judge him.
‘As you know, priests are sworn to secrecy under the pain of mortal sin in the confessional and cannot reveal to anyone what is said in the confessional. And we know that secrecy with Mr. Agara’s Fund is of utmost importance because of Mr. Agara’s relatives wanting the money. Lastly, the Monsignor pleaded that I implore of you to have a priest come to your hospital bedside and deliver the Last Rites to insure your place in Heaven at God’s side where you belong. Also, please tell me the name and place of your hospital, as I would like to send you roses. And so, lets proceed with the Trust as soon as possible and I promise to do all that you have wished for.
Yours in Christ, Don Meehan ”
Like I said, don’t believe a word of what I wrote.
Oh for goodness sakes! She/he has ignored my last plea extending forgiveness to her/his Barrister (Baraster) lawyer and the next day has now sent the exact same original plea. I can’t wait to continue to play the religious card. Please stay tuned.
P.S. So, please glance at the “official” Certificates and see if you can spot some phoniness. Please leave some comments on what you see and also spread the word about the criminals.
TO BE CONTINUED